Wednesday, April 16, 2008
What is Happiness?
As I reread my last entry, I ask myself, how could I be happy under these circumstances? What do I even mean by the word "happy"? I realize I mean something different by it than I might have in the past. Happy right now means: my body is relaxed, my mind is quiet, my heart and stomach are not in pain. I am momentarily at peace. I think this is my mind's way of giving me a reprieve from the intense work of grief. It is a survival mechanism. It is also a glimpse of what it means to heal. I need these experiences. Otherwise I question whether I will ever feel truly joyful again. But a day like today lets me know that it is possible, and it gives me the hope necessary to continue facing life as it comes. I will have moments of sadness, anger, fear. It is a surprise to me that I will also have moments of happiness. I accept this as a gift.