Wednesday, April 9, 2008
On Friday I wll be released from the hospital. When I learned of this development, yesterday, I cried. In fact I cried many times yesterday as I thought of leaving this place which has become a safe haven for me. It is as though I am surrounded by circles of protection - Michael is one, my family is one, being in the hospital is one, and strangely, being in this wheelchair is one. The routine of physical and occupational therapy, and the nurses taking my vital signs and giving me meds . . . these are the perameters of my new life, and they are manageable. Like a child who can only explore when he has a secure base to return to, I find myself making small ventures outward. A walk aruond the hospital grounds with Michael seems to satisfy my need for exploration. So, to step out into the world again feels like more than I want. Yet, I am aware that waiting longer won't make this transition any easier. It has to be done. And I trust that I will adapt, with the loving help of Michael and my family. Michael and I have decided to stay in Boise for another week or so. I will be doing out-patient physical therapy, and we will attempt to resolve certain issues pertaining to my dad's estate. Returning to Eugene will be another transition. And returning to work. Driving a car. Moving forward. Facing life.