As I watched this unfold, tears began streaming down my face. I did not have many thoughts at that moment, but rather I felt a body memory of holding Sage when he was so small. My body, my scent, my voice were a sanctuary for him. I was his safe haven. And there is this feeling that above all else, that is what my body was meant to do - hold and comfort my child. The tears . . . they were caused by the wonderful, terrible, sweet pain of loving Sage with every atom of my being.
What I want to express, and what I ask for understanding around, is that it is helpful for me to cry. Holding Isaak, remembering Sage, crying - this was a positive, healing experience. It gave me access to my sorrow, which offers me a release that I can't get any other way. I want to tell Lorena, thank you for sharing your beautiful boy with me. Thank you for being a reminder of the depth of my love for Sage. And, as strange is it may sound, thank you for helping me cry. So often I find myself composed, coping, and somewhat frozen inside. Anything that gives me access to my heart is the greatest gift anyone could offer me.
Some day, if I should ever lose you,
will you be able then to go to sleep
without me softly whispering above you
like night air stirring in the linden tree?