Thursday, June 19, 2008

Accepting with Grace

Sagey and his friend Maya

I've been feeling a little fragile these last few days, probably because I felt so much build up to the memorials, and now they are over, and life . . . goes . . . on.

Wednesday was the hardest. I took our jars of baby food into work to donate them. I threw away an opened box of rice cereal. I cried. And then the kids got there, and the day moved forward.

There is something in me that wants to fight against the vulnerability of this frequent, sudden crying. It is frustrating because there is nothing to DO about it. I guess I am learning to BE with these feelings, because that is really the only option.

In my Ai Chi class, we do a movement called "Accepting with Grace." This is the hardest of the series for me. It requires both balance and a willingness to let go and trust that the water will support me. I mentioned my difficulty to the teacher, Teresa, and she said that sometimes the first step is the acceptance that I am not in acceptance. So this is what I am working on . . . not resisting or judging my struggle to accept with grace.

No comments: