Saturday, October 25, 2008

Pilgrimage

Michael and I recently celebrated our 2-year anniversary. We spent the day at Waldo Lake. This is the third year in a row that we have gone there in October. The first time, we said our wedding vows. Then, last year, we took Sage there. Both times, we enjoyed beautiful autumn weather.

This time, the closer we got to the lake, which is in the Cascade Mountains, the more icy patches we saw on the road, and soon we were driving through a snowy winter landscape. I felt really nervous, so I just focused on breathing and tried to stay calm. Icy mountain roads will probably always remind me of the accident. Michael drove slowly and carefully and offered me lots of reassurance, but I wasn't really able to relax until we reached the lake.

Michael and I had brought some food for the little gray birds we always see there. They swooped down from the trees to perch on our hands and fill their small mouths with pine nuts.

After feeding the birds and eating a picnic lunch, we hiked through the snow to the point where we got married. I kept thinking, as I do in so many situations, 'the last time we were here, Sage was with us.'

We sat on the rocks near where we got married and where Sage's placenta is buried, and Michael brought out the box that holds Sage's ashes. We have talked about releasing his ashes here, and maybe some day we will, but we agreed that we are not ready yet.

Michael then brought out the Native American flute that his father gave to us after Sage's death, and we each played a little music for Sage and Dad. The following is a short video that Michael created of our trip.

4 comments:

Serinekat said...

Oh, man... M really loves that new computer and camera! Nice video. I think getting back to nature always helps heal, especially when there are hungry birds involved. Sage would have laughed at his dad with the birds on his head!

janis said...

Oh Jessie... I watched the video and just sat and wept, for the heart-breaking beauty of it all. Thank you for sharing. I am holding you and Michael and Sage and your Dad in my thoughts. ((hugs))

Kelly L-G said...

Beautiful post and story. I've had Sage on my mind all day after reading it this morning.

Laura said...

So beautiful! I can understand not being ready to let go of Sage's ashes yet (if ever)....

My heart weeps for your little one. I am sure Sage's spirit was surrounding your during your visit.